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Wonderful World of Whimsies

Mar 19 2021

By Tillie 0 comments (comments closed)  

Ever since I’ve known Tootsie, she’s always been a wee bit self-conscious about her neck. As you know, Tootsie loves to climb trees, and one of the downfalls of climbing trees is that sometimes you fall down, and when you do, you may get the stuffing knocked out you. That’s what happened to Tootsie, more times than she can remember, but would that stop her from climbing trees? May it never be!

Her “injury” (if you want to call it that) is that her head now tilts a little to one side. It’s not a terrible thing, and it doesn’t hurt, so it’s just merely, as they say…cosmetic. It’s a common condition that lots of Whimsies suffer from…though, as I say, “suffer” is not really the right word, since there is no true suffering involved beyond, perhaps, injured vanity.

But last Summer, when we were all dressed up and having a photo shoot in our pretty Summer dresses, Tootsie took a look at this picture in particular, and it really vexed her, and she cried and wished she could do something about her droopy head. Well, if there’s one thing Miss Chrissy can’t bear, it’s a crying Whimsie, so she did a little Research on the Internet and decided that perhaps there was something after all that could be done to help poor Tootsie feel better about herself.

Miss Chrissy suggested a Surgery. Now, since we don’t know any actual Whimsie Surgeons, Miss Chrissy volunteered to do the job. From what she could tell from her Research, she believed the operation wouldn’t be that difficult and was sure to be a success. And Tootsie has such great faith in Miss Chrissy, knowing she would never cause her any harm, that she immediately agreed. And for a while, it felt like the problem was solved!

Except, of course, that months and months passed, and the Surgery was never actually performed. Even though Miss Chrissy had gathered all the needed supplies and was ready to Operate whenever Tootsie said “Let’s do this!” Tootsie in fact was too involved in other things to give her neck a second thought and for a while it seemed like the whole idea had been forgotten and the Surgery would never take place.

But then, last week, at the first hint of Spring, Tootsie put on her blue jeans and sneakers and ran outside looking for trees to climb. And of course, you know what happened. More stuffing knocked out of her! She came back into the house, once again crying, not because she was hurt, but because it suddenly occurred to her that she had put this off for way too long and she begged Miss Chrissy to do the Surgery straightaway and put her head right.

Well, Miss Chrissy wasted no time! She prepared the Operating Table with a clean white towel and brought out the needed supplies: rubbing alcohol and cotton balls for disinfecting, a scalpel for Incision, a clear bandage for closing up the Incision, and of course, the very much needed stuffing.

Now, as I mentioned before, since we are Whimsies and not People, we do not feel pain, so there was no need for anesthetic. Tootsie simply lay down on the Operating Table and held her breath while Miss Chrissy prepared to Operate.

And it was over almost before you knew it! A simple clean Incision, quite a bit of stuffing, and one skillfully placed bandage, and little Tootsie was so soon being whisked off to the Recover Room, where she recuperated from the ordeal by sitting very still under a blanket for a number of hours (to give the bandage time to “set.”)

Though Tootsie was in no pain, Dr. Chrissy prescribed a period of rest, since the whole thing had been such an Ordeal, so as much as Mr. Squee and the others wanted to check on her and make sure she was alright, she was allowed only one Visitor—ME! Her best friend in the Universe.

We sat together for a couple of hours watching and re-watching Pride and Prejudice, until at last the exhaustions of the day, and calming music lulled Tootsie to sleep.

And the next day, she was as good as new! No, wait! Even better! Of course on the first sunny day she ran right outside looking for trees to climb, but Miss Chrissy has made her promise to try to be a little more careful in the future.

Hmmm…We’ll see how that goes…

P.S. and B.T.W. So many thanks to Mr. Russ, who helped us set up our first slideshow!! 🙂

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Categories: Weather & Seasons, Wonderful World of Whimsies 

Feb 15 2020

By Tillie 0 comments (comments closed)  

One of our favorite things to do here in Whimsieville is to go on the internet and find pictures of other Whimsies. Sometimes we find very beautiful Whimsies wearing beautiful clothes, and it makes us say, “Oooh! How pretty!” But other times we find Whimsies who seem to have…well… “lost their bloom,” as Jane Austen would say…and then we say “Oh! The poor dears!”

One thing we have noticed, though, in all our internet searches, is that very often we find Whimsies hanging out together in groups, usually with their fellow Whimsies, though sometimes with others of a fairly like disposition. It’s really made us think, and reflect upon what it means to be a Whimsie.

What are the defining characteristics of a Whimsie??

Well, Whimsies are not complicated. We like the simple things, and one thing we’ve always known—but it’s been validated by everything we’ve observed about other Whimsies all over the world—is that by and large we are very social creatures. Almost more than anything else, we enjoy hanging out with friends (whether they are Whimsies like us, or another species entirely.)

So for just a moment, I would like to celebrate the Friendships which we Whimsies so dearly treasure. And I’d like to start with this lot:

Take a good look a this picture. This is probably the most diverse group of Whimsies I have ever seen! Every one of them seems to have something different going on! Do I see a Clergyman in there? And what about that girl with the blue feet? What is THAT all about?

There also seems to be a football player and…a mustachioed caveman? Of course, there’s Bessie the Bride whom we’ve seen before. But what is that large tag she’s wearing? And that other one, with short white hair and (pardon me, but…) entirely too much makeup—she is also wearing a tag! And is the clergyman wearing one too? What could it all mean?

Well, we pondered this question for several days and finally came to this conclusion: we believe that what’s going on here is a Whimsie Convention!! There must have been an official get-together of Whimsies at some time, somewhere, and there must have been meetings with topics to be discussed, and those wearing the tags are the “speakers” or “leaders” of the discussion groups.

The four of us here in Whimsieville have agreed what a wonderful experience it might be to attend a Whimsie Convention at some point in the future, and actually get to meet some of these other Whimsies we are always seeing on the internet! Wouldn’t that be fun?

Yes, it would. But I doubt it would ever happen, since traveling in such a large party would truly be a Big Undertaking. I say it would be a “large party,” because surely Miss Chrissy would accompany us, if not Mr. Russ as well (though I think Mr. Squee would much prefer to stay home.) And also there’s this: as much as we have all talked it over and agree that a big trip would be such a fun adventure, when it comes right down to it, none of us Whimsies here in Whimsieville are really very adventurous in our heart of hearts. In our heart of hearts, we all prefer the simple pleasures of our home. I think you call that being a “homebody.” Yep. That’s us, pretty much. We like to dream about big adventures, but when push comes to shove (as they say…people in general say, not just Jane Austen), at the end of the day, we would much rather sleep in our own beds each night.

So that’s where we stand on any possibility of attending a “Whimsie Convention.”

But let’s move on to this next picture we found, which clearly shows what a devoted friend a Whimsie can be. Here, clearly, the poor dear on the right has, for whatever reason, lost all her hair! We know people can get a terrible disease called cancer, and have to have something called chemotherapy, which causes their hair to fall out, but one of the advantages of being a Whimsie is that we never get sick in any way, so clearly that is not what has happened to this Whimsie. If I had to guess, I would say…. Probably her hair was all dirty and matted, and some well-meaning person suggested a new shampoo to help her get hear hair looking pretty and shiny again, but when she tried that new shampoo it was what is known as an “Epic Fail,” because instead of making her hair look beautiful, it all fell out!

Oh, the poor dear!

Yet, she is still smiling, putting on a brave face, though you have to imagine that deep down she is incredibly distraught because now she will have to wait so long for her hair to grow back. On the plus side, however, when it does grown back, it will no longer be dirty and matted, it will in fact be as shiny, new and beautiful as hair can possibly be! So she has that going for her.

But she also has something else going for her. Well, actually, she has two more things going for her: one is that whether she has hair or not, she still looks beautiful! Doesn’t she? I think it’s her rosy cheeks and fetching smile that almost make you forget she’s completely bald.

But here’s the most important thing she has going for her: she has a friend, a good friend in Little Miss Redhead there, who is clearly giving her a sideways hug and consoling her regarding her recent Beauty Mishap. Whimsies are like that. As a rule, we are very sympathetic and empathetic and ready to comfort someone in their trouble and misery. As we clearly see here. What a stunning picture of Friendship this is!

But let’s look at another one, shall we? Here we see the clergyman from our earlier picture, and he is hanging out with his friend, another redhead, but this one, we have seen during our internet searches, is sometimes referred to as a “little devil.” I kid you not! In fact, in some pictures we have seen of her, she actually has a tail and is carrying a pitchfork. Oh my!

Now, no Whimsie would ever actually be a “little devil,” but this brilliant redhead, for whatever reason, likes to dress up like one. Why? Is it Halloween, and this is her costume? Or does she simply like to SHOCK people with her vibrant red hair and outfit? Some people are like that, of course…and I guess it is not beyond some Whimsies either to want to be as outrageous as possible.

But look at her friend, the Clergyman. He does not seem at all bothered by her unusual choices. In fact, I would say the two of them look rather chummy. I think they understand each other, as true friends do, and are each willing to look past their obvious differences and deliberate eccentricities to find what most unites them…being Whimsies!

Finally, let’s look at these friends. Clearly this large group has just settled down for a TV PARTY! And what says Friendship better than an evening of binge-watching your favorite TV shows? Who’s in the kitchen, popping the popcorn for these entertainment enthusiasts? What are they going to watch? I wonder…But one thing I know for sure, it won’t be anything too scary or “racy,” since it appears they have even invited a little baby to their party! (I wonder if that baby is old enough to eat popcorn?)

Of course, where all this is going…is right back to Whimsieville! Here in Whimsieville, taking a good hard look at Whimsie friendships across the internet has really solidified in our hearts and minds how very blessed we are to have each other every day of our lives. We are, of course, most blessed to have Miss Chrissy to take care of us, and to a lesser degree, Mr. Russ, who takes care of not only us but also Miss Chrissy, and also Mr. Squee. And oh yes! How blessed we are to have Mr. Squee, always protecting us from dogs and wolves and any other dangers that somehow never actually find their way into Whimsieville.

But most of all, we four Whimsies are blessed to have each other. We all come from different backgrounds, have different stories, and different personalities, but when that “push comes to shove,” We are better, and stronger, TOGETHER, than any of us would be on our own. Even though we may differ now and then on the little things like whether strawberry ice cream tastes better than chocolate ice cream, or which hat best matches a gingham outfit, in the end, we are all devoted to each other in a strong and everlasting bond of Friendship.

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Categories: Dog Catcher, Wonderful World of Whimsies 

Oct 30 2015

By Tillie 0 comments (comments closed)  

sailorwhimsizedhat2It seems a long time since any of us have visited The Wonderful World of Whimsies. Not to say we aren’t running into pretty Whimsies on a constant basis, just that we’ve been so very busy lately, we haven’t had much time to write about it. But the other day I saw this adorable Whimsie in a cute little sailor suit, and I just have to say a word or two about her.

First of all, how can you not notice her beautiful hair? LOVE the curls! What a cute and perky style, and her hair color so perfectly matches her big, beautiful brown eyes. And somehow—I don’t know if it’s her hair, or her collar, the magic of photography, or just plain magic—her smile looks so wide and happy. I’ve heard Whimsie smiles described as “Watermelon” smiles, and isn’t that just the case for our pretty little sailor girl?

But now for the outfit! Or should I call it a costume? Because Whimsies aren’t usually sailors (although, who knows? Perhaps this one is!) so whenever you wear an outfit that says you are something that you really aren’t, wouldn’t that be a “costume”? Trixie may tend to disagree with me, because her Marvel superheroes wear “costumes,” and they really are superheroes. Oh, I guess we could get into a long discussion about the defining characteristics of the word “costume”….but let’s not!

Let’s just enjoy the sailor suit on this happy Whimsie. superheroThe red, white and blue theme makes her All-American, and the red and white stripes of her collar even emulate the American flag! The tidy little blue knot around her collar makes you wonder how many hours this Sailor Girl has spent practicing her knots on her very own costume. I mean outfit. I mean…oh, never mind.

You know what? Even though it’s Halloween, and wearing a “costume” would be totally appropriate, I’m choosing to believe this Whimsie actually is a sailor. We Whimsies here in Whimsieville tend to shy away from adventure, but that doesn’t mean all Whimisies are necessarily of the same spirit. I think this Sailor Girl, with her wind-tossed curls and sun-kissed freckled face, is sporting such an expansive watermelon Watermelon smile because she’s getting ready to ship out on her next adventure very soon!

We can only imagine…

But then, imagining is such a big part of what we Whimsies are all about.

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Categories: Holidays, Wonderful World of Whimsies 

May 10 2015

By Trixie 0 comments (comments closed)  

TRIXIEFor some time now, I’ve been wondering whether or not I ought to come here to talk about this one particular Whimsie I’ve found on the internet, whose appearance I find most disturbing. After all, this is a family-friendly blog, and I wouldn’t want to present anything that’s too scary or upsetting. In the past, the worst my fellow Whimsies and I have done is to discuss our favorite movie monsters.

But everybody knows that movie monsters are not real. This very disturbing Whimsie girl, however, is as real as me, or Tessie, or Tillie or Tootsie, and that makes her strange appearance just a little too close for comfort.

This dilemma has been gnawing at my mind for weeks now, and finally I decided I can keep silent no more. But I’ll warn you upfront (the same way the news anchorperson does before a particularly gruesome story, or certain television shows do, if they are going to show too many scenes with sex or violence), that some of the images you are about to see may prove to be quite DISTURBING.

So, to protect you, Dear Reader, I’ve given you this warning, and I’m also taking care to place the troublesome images far down in this post, so that if you think it might be too much to bear, you can stop reading here, and switch to some other blog that is much more pleasant than today’s Whimsieville. There is no particular reason in the world why you have to continue reading, or why you should scroll past the point of no return. I’ve spent all this time now warning you, and if heddayou continue to go on, you do so at your own risk. And if you end up having the very same nightmares that I’ve been having these past few weeks, well then…you have nobody to blame but yourself!

Okay! Now shall we proceed?

In my travels around the internet, I’ve discovered that there is this one particular Whimsie whose name is Hedda Get Bedda. Hedda is apparently her first name and “Get Bedda” means, “Get to bed,” or more precisely “Get to bed, because you’re SICK, poor dear!” So “Get Bedda” is sort of a cute way of saying, “Get better.”

But there’s nothing cute about Hedda! In this first picture, of course, she looks fine. She’s dressed in some kind of jammie, and a wool hat, and socks, so I can very well imagine that perhaps she’s sick, and has a fever, and needs to get some medicine and some rest. Yes, she’s smiling here, but you must admit, it’s sort of sad or tired smile, and even her eyes look like she’s having a hard time keeping them open. Seeing this picture, you think, “Oh my! Poor dear! Get some rest and surely you’ll feel better in the morning!”

That’s what you’d think, right? And why shouldn’t you? That’s the way the world normally works, isn’t it? But dig a little deeper and you’ll discover what’s really ailing Hedda. And this is the part that terrifies me most of all! It seems that Hedda’s problem is that she’s…well…well, there’s no nice way to say this. She’s TWO-FACED.

hedda2faceIn normal conversation, being “two-faced” means someone who says one thing to your face, then turns around and says something completely different to your friends. Or, they are nice to you at first, but then later on, they are mean. With someone who is “two-faced,” you never know what you’re going to get, so you simply can’t trust them.

But in Hedda’s case, it seems she is quite literally two-faced. As you can see here, she has two-faces! And in fact, I’m not exactly sure, but I think if she turned her head around just a little bit more, you’d find that she actually has a third face. Aaaargh! I don’t even want to see it! I don’t even want to think about it!

Now, like it’s not disturbing enough that this poor girl has two (or three) faces, it seems there’s yet even more to her peculiar condition. You see, it seems that she can spin her head completely around to show any one of those faces. Years ago, there was a terribly, terribly frightening movie about a girl who was possessed by the devil, and the devil could make her spin her head completely around. I’ve heard about this many time, but I’ve never actually seen it, because as a rule, we Whimsies try to avoid anything that’s too terribly frightening. But as you know, we sometimes like to see a show or movie that’s just a little bit frightening, and so we recently watched Sleepy Hollow, and in that show, there is one character who also got possessed, and ended up doing very disturbing things with his head. It’s too distressing for me to post the picture here, but if you’re wondering what I’m talking about, you can click on this link.

Now, if you’ve looked at my picture of Hedda, and you’ve clicked on that link just above, you’ve probably seen all the weird and upsetting stuff you care to see today. But wait! It gets worse! Here’s yet another picture I’ve found depicting an additional problem poor little Hedda has to put up with! As you can see here, Hedda’s head pops off! Decapitated!! hedda detachedAnd some humans seem to have no problem whatsoever standing around and having themselves photographed with Hedda’s head! I mean…I mean…it’s disgraceful! It’s appalling! It’s just too much for a sensitive Whimsie like me to have to deal with!

The phrase “add insult to injury” means, “as if things weren’t bad enough, here’s one more bad thing,” and I have only one more bad thing to say about Hedda. I hate to look too closely at these images I’m posting here, because they are so very unsettling, but you don’t have to look very, very closely to notice that the Hedda’s head covering, which I earlier described as a “wool hat,” is not wool at all, but actually plastic!

So, in addition to having a two (or three) faced head that humans like to pop off and pose with, Hedda must spend all her days wearing a plastic hat. No wonder the poor girl is sick so much of the time! How would you hedda doom feel if you had to live your life with your head imprisoned in plastic? Doctor Doom spends his life behind a metal mask, and we all know how grouchy that makes him!

Well, that’s all I have to say about Hedda. Hopefully. I mean, I hope as I’m looking around on the internet I don’t find any more photos showing any additional problems this poor Whimsie has to deal with. I feel so very sorry for her. And yet, at the same time, I’m also frightened. So frightened, as I say, I’ve ended up having quite a few nightmares about Hedda. In the worst of my nightmares, I’m quietly sleeping in my bed, and suddenly jolt awake to find Hedda’s dismembered head floating in the middle of the darkness of my room, and her second (or third) face staring down at me.

The other Whimsies have asked me why, lately, I’ve been wanting to sleep with a night light, and at first I hesitated to tell them, not wanting to drag them into this most appalling of Whimsie aberrations, but finally, they dragged it out of me. And yes, they were all horrified at first, but then the more we talked about it, the more we got to express our feelings to each other, the less troublesome it seemed. heddafriendsThat’s when I got the idea that I had to come here and write about Hedda, to finally get this thing off my chest once and for all.

And now that I have, I hope two things: first, that I haven’t disturbed you too much, Dear Reader. And secondly, that I’ll now finally be able to get a good night’s sleep once again!

Mostly, the world is a pretty place. But sometimes it’s not. But when it’s not, the best thing you can do, really, is face it head on, with friends. And if this picture is any indication, the one saving grace for poor Hedda is that she has a large group of good friends with whom she can share her sorrows.

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Categories: Wonderful World of Whimsies 

Apr 13 2015

By Trixie 0 comments (comments closed)  

hat3So here’s this Whimsie, her name is “Bessie the Bashful Bride.” You can tell she’s a bride, because she’s wearing a beautiful white lacy dress, and also appears to have some kind of ribbon in her hair. And look at her shoes! In addition to being white, they appear to be high heels! Who ever heard of a Whimsie wearing high heels? But then again, who ever heard of a Whimsie being a bride? This is not something we Whimsies ever think about! But if Bessie is thinking about being a bride, I must say, she is most appropriately dressed.

brThere is a strange tendency among some Whimsies to allow themselves to be photographed with their eyes closed. Either that, or they simply keep their eyes closed all the time. Tessie talked about this before, and the passage of time has made it no less odd. But in Bessie’s case, perhaps she can be forgiven. Perhaps she is indeed nothing more than “Bashful.” Or, we have to wonder…could it be that all the wedding preparations have so tired her out that she’s now stopping for a quick catnap? They call it a “catnap,” and after living with Mr. Squee, it’s easy to see why any kind of nap would be called a “catnap.” Cats do indeed nap a lot, and when they do, they look most contented. Just like Miss Bessie here. I mean, honestly: isn’t that just the most contented smile gracing her pretty face?

Bessie looks happy to be getting married, and I’m glad for her. If I am invited to the wedding, I will politely congratulate the bride, and graciously give a lovely gift (perhaps a tin of Marzipan?) but I certainly hope I won’t be expected to shake hands with (or worse yet…kiss!) the groom. And why not? Because whoever it is that Bessie marries, there is no way the other side of this union can possibly be up to snuff.

The Wonderful World of Whimsies is largely made up of girls, but there are a few fellas in the mix. Unfortunately, I’ve seen them all, and as the saying goes…nothing to write home about. Unless you want to write to your pesky kid sister and scare the bejeeezus out of her!

I guess what I’m trying to say is that in the World of Whimsies, girls are better than boys. Of the boys, there are only one or two that show even the slightest smidgeon of promise. By and large, it’s a sorry lot. If Bessie has to pick her groom from this motley crew…oh, how I do pity her! (Even though I’ve already given my polite congratulations, because after all, it would never do to be rude at a wedding.)

brsamBut before she ties the knot, let’s just take a moment to review Bessie’s options, and when we do, I think you’ll have to agree with me.

First of all, we see Samson, the Strong Man. You’ll notice that this clod is dressed like a caveman. What? Has he not yet heard it’s the 21st century, with a wide variety of attractive clothing to choose from? Why does he prefer instead to dress in animal skins? Does he think somehow that this makes him appear more…manly? But he’s not a man, he’s a WHIMSIE, and as such he ought to be proud of his heritage, and stop trying to be something he clearly is not.

Look at that face! Look at that big ugly mustache, and those half-closed eyes! Is he asleep…or is that his idea of a sultry look with which to capture the attention of some unsuspecting female? Me Tarzan, you Jane. Me?…NO THANKS!

But worst of all (and this is truly horrifying!), I don’t think that’s a scarf or a sweater up there near his neck. It’s sort of hard to tell from this picture, but if you ask me, that is a healthy crop of chest hair. UGH! Can you imagine? YUCK! How is it that this guy thinks any Whimsie girl is going to fall him, looking like this? Wake up Mr. Samson! We Whimsie girls are modern, and full of self confidence! We have no desire to be dragged off into the jungle by our pigtails! I will thank you very much to leave me AND Miss Bessie out of your plans!

brdeal1Anyway, taking a look at the next fellow, we see that we fare a little better, but not much. This one is called Wheeler the Dealer, and of course he’s MUCH better dressed than Samson, but that unacceptable facial hair is still present. Facial hair is for attractive human men (like Tom Selleck) but NOT for Whimsie boys! Just like Sampson, Wheeler is trying to be someone he’s not.

Well, wait. Maybe he IS what he appears to be. What he appears to be is a debonair swindler. That’s why he’s called Wheeler the Dealer. Because he’s always making deals, and in those deals, he’s always trying to cheat somebody. Maybe he’s rolling dice, or dealing cards, 9-Tom-Selleckin a Las Vegas Casino. Well, that’s all very well and good for humans, but Whimsies have no business playing games of chance! We don’t need to test our luck! We are already the luckiest creatures on earth, by virtue of having been born Whimsies! Why tempt fate with gambling and swindling? There’s just no sense in it.

I dread to think what would happen to Bessie should she choose to marry Wheeler the Dealer. With his smarmy looks and fancy clothes, surely he would disdain her simple ways. I imagine that their life together would be one long crap shoot, as he constantly attempted to drag Bessie into games he would always win with his loaded dice.

Not only that, but I don’t trust a guy who wears a small hat. That’s just…weird. Surely Bessie can do better than this!

brsl1So, how about our next contender? How about Zack the Sack? Why is he called Zack the Sack? I think it’s because he’s dressed in pajamas, and is ready to “hit the sack.” What does this say to me? Zack is a lazy bum! He’s so lazy, he doesn’t even bother to shave, and ca be seen with a goatee of lazy man facial hair. It’s not at all attractive, it’s just there because it’s too much trouble to get rid of it! Really!

Samson at least would hunt wild animals to bring home for Bessie to prepare for their supper, and Wheeler would be out all night at the Casino, returning at dawn with his ill-gotten gain, but Zack looks like he’s gonna hit the sack and stay there! Bessie won’t get any sort of work or industry out of this fellow! Surely she would have to go out to work to support HIM.

No problem there, actually, because Bessie could probably get a job as a fashion model (if she would only open her eyes and show everyone how pretty they are), but why SHOULD she, while Zack stays home all day sleeping, waking only briefly to watch Jerry Springer and Maury Povitch on TV?

Oh no! Bessie is much better off without Zack. Add him to the list of rejects.

Now we see another Whimsie boy who on the surface appears to have some potential, but if you start thinking this through, you will quickly see that he is not at all husband material. Meet Zero the Hero. He is a hero because he plays football, and has made plays that have won many games. He is Zero, because brzthat’s the number on his jersey. He seems a rather athletic dude, and as we all know, there is nothing wrong with getting exercise and taking care of your body properly. Right?

But in Zero’s case, that is just the problem. Because he plays football, and plays it so well, it turns out that is the only thing he cares about. His entire self-image is wrapped up in his status as a sports star. All day long he works out, and practices football, so he can get better and better, more and more athletic, and live up to his reputation as a sports hero. He must always be on his guard against anything and everything that could possibly distract him from his ambition to be the biggest and bestest football hero ever.

Of course, taking a bride would be a MAJOR distraction. Poor Bessie would quickly fall to the bottom of Mr. Hero’s priority list, somewhere between “Hut! Hut! Hut!” and doing a hundred pushups before bedtime each evening.

Not only that, but there is sure to be more trouble in paradise, should Bessie marry Zero the Hero. As a football hero, Zero is the envy of all, and an object of extreme admiration when it comes to the ladies. Men love to watch Zero on the football field because he plays the game so well. But women love to watch him because he looks so cute in his uniform. Yes, he DOES look cute, doesn’t he? But here’s the problem: he KNOWS it. He knows he’s a hero, and he knows he looks cute, and he knows the ladies love him, and he loves that the ladies love him, and most of all…he loves himself.

A lot more than he could ever love Bessie.

So let’s give Zero a great big ZERO when it comes to true love! And let’s move on.

Here is one more contender, and he’s the one I mentioned earlier that might show even the slightest bit of promise, when it comes to marriage. His name is Simon, and as you can see, he’s ever so scholarly. Yes, he’s a smart one this Simon! In fact, some might say he’s a nerd. Not that there’s anything wrong with that! Some of our very best friends are nerds! We love nerds. And I almost think we could love Simon as well.brsm

In the plus column, he’s too refined to drag his Whimsie wife around by her hair, as Sampson would do. He’s also so smart that he doesn’t need to wheel and deal to get what he wants. He understands perfectly how the world works, and is able to make wise choices to get what he needs. And it goes without saying that Simon did not get where he is today by sleeping through class, or watching the Jerry Springer show! Finally, I give him this: with those thick glasses, no girl (except perhaps nerd girls) would think him cute, so if Bessie were married to him, she wouldn’t have to worry about other women trying to steal him away.

Simon’s head is filled with knowledge, and knowledge is a good thing. Every girl wants a smart husband, right? Why shouldn’t Bessie want Simon?

I’ll tell you why.

Because the same way that Zero is totally absorbed in his football career, Simon is involved in the pursuit of knowledge. There is so much knowledge in the world, and no one brain could ever contain it all. But Simon, with his thick glasses and graduation cap, looks like just the kind to TRY to learn everything there is to learn. And that, sadly, would leave him no time for the finer things in his life with Bessie. He would be so busy reading books, trying to stuff his already full head full of even more knowledge, that he would probably forget pretty little Bessie was even in the room!

I will bet that Simon ends up working at a University, as a Professor, and he’ll draw a good salary, and be able to provide everything Bessie needs. Except company. She will be left all alone, flipping through the TV channels, trying to decide if she wants to watch Zero the Hero win the National Championship, or the clowns on the Jerry Spring Show, or (Simon’s favorite channel), PBS.

Oh, if only Bessie had had enough sense NOT to get married! Then she would be leading the carefree life of an unattached Whimsie, hanging out with her Whimsie girlfriends, trying on new clothes, watching movies, eating Marzipan and drinking hot chocolate, watching movies and giggling late into the night.

marzipannSo, my final word to Bessie: yes, Bess, you look beautiful in that dress! But, girlfriend! Open your eyes and make a smart choice! For us Whimsies, marriage is NOT the way to go. Take a tip from your pal, Trixie: please, please please, don’t do it! Hang up that pretty dress—unless you simply want to wear it for a fashion modeling shoot. But don’t make the mistake of connecting yourself to an inferior man!

Marriage is NOT for us Whimsie girls. We should have boyfriends! Lots and lots of Favorite Boyfriends. But husbands? May it never be!

(However, if Tom Selleck ever comes back on the market…I reserve the right to take up this issue again.)

UPDATE

choiceusethisAttention! Attention! A week has passed since I wrote the above words, and now I have an important update regarding Bessie the Bashful Bride!

Apparently Bessie has indeed made her choice from among the contenders for her hand in marriage. Surfing the internet yesterday I found this incriminating photo, which seems to indicate that Bessie has thrown in her lot with the sluggish Zack the Sack. Not only has she thrown in her lot, but she appears to be positively on board with the lazy lifestyle.

Oh, I am so disappointed in Bessie! There are only two things that might account for this less than stellar decision. One: as you can see, she stil has her eyes closed, so she must still be very tired, and the idea of life with a fellow sleeper was most appealing to her. Unlike Zero the Hero, who would require her to do daily exercise, or Simon, who would no doubt want to her to be reading and constantly developing her mind, Zack has no problem with her also being lazy, and relaxing, and not doing much of anything. Perhaps the pressures of planning for a wedding was so stressful for poor Bessie, that nothing appealed to her more than a life of complete relaxation.

Either that, or he lured her with those delicious-looking lollipops. You know how we Whimsies are with our sweets. And though Zack may appear lethargic on the outside, on the inside he is doubt very sharp and conniving, able to figure out the easiest way to get exactly what he wants.

Well, if candy is all it takes, then Zack has claimed his prize. Now, both he and Bessie can go sleep on that!

But you must admit….they look rather fetching together in their matching sleepwear.

Good luck to you, Bessie and Zack! I hope you have the sweetest of dreams!

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